Suite As

Introducing: We Are Augustines

2011-10-31T17:37:00.000+13:00

Of six o'clock shadows, six string guitars and singers searching souls......

Nicely done done gentlemen, very, very, very nicely done.....

We live in a world of talentless auto-tuned superficial hacks that pass themselves off as musicians, spending their careers in the revolving door of drug rehab and scandal, boosting their sagging ratings by alighting from limousines sans underwear, giving us eye watering, stomach turning shots of genitals....and then.......every once in a while a rare talent fights its way into the light of day.......much to the pleasure of those desperately seeking honesty and talent.........

Welcome to the light of day gentlemen......

Text completly lifted from some punter who goes by the name mysweeteventhorizon on the We Are Augustines YouTube page

Outer Touch

2011-10-12T09:43:00.001+13:00

It is amazing what a difference a few kilometres makes to a demographic.Utilising my freshly acquired knowledge that the new Maxx Outer Link busservice runs closer to my work than the Inner Link (I looked at a mapyesterday), I decided to throw caution to the wind, and used it for my commutethis morning.

As I stepped onto the bus and present my Hop card to theelectronic reader, my first impression was, where is this bus going? It waslike I had stumbled across a mid-week tramping expedition. Gone were the mustardtrench coats one sees the inner suburb gentlemen donning to keep out theelements. These bus travellers (see what I did there), were clad head to toe inbright safety first colours of a Kathmandu catalogue. It was like I had steppedinto the Gortex vortex.

As I found myself a seat, carefully pushing past the mountainous massof puffer jackets, back packs and climbing poles, my next thought was where hadthis bus come from?

A quick scan at the circular map presented on the wall of the businformed me that it had come from places I have never heard of, Westmere, MtAlbert and Balmoral. No wonder everyone looked so grumpy, how long had theybeen on this bus?

Suddenly there was a thunderous roar asthe sky opened up to a downpour. I made it on the bus just in time I thought tomyself. But looking outside the sun was shining. Then the deafening rumblehappened again. What was causing this ear-splitting din? Then I realised it wasthe sound of nylon against nylon as man across theaisle tried to reposition himself in the limited space the bucket shaped seatwas providing him.

I did not have a lot of room in my seat either. It must have beenthe lady sitting next to me turn to provide lunch for the 150 staff at herwork. Nothing else could explain the size of the pack bag wedged onto her lap.

As the bus trundled along its route I tried to look around the busto see what other differences were prominent from the Inner suburb link I hascaught previously. There was no glow from the numerous iPhones one sees on theInner Link as punters update their blog or twitter. This perhaps is not a badthing, or maybe people's phones were buried too deep in their Mac Packs to beable to get out. I was not the only one without much space due to most seatsbeen occupied by two puffer jacket wearing individuals, where the puff seems toengulf any available space.

Other observations were the lack of the latest style of glasses,hair and designer beard. These were replaced with goggles, woolly hats and beardsthat looked like they had not seen civilisation for many months.

Needless to say, I was the onlyperson on the bus in a three piece, and post to my departure the driver wouldhave been the best dressed.

ME & THE KEY

2011-04-20T22:04:00.000+12:00

In what can only be explained as a quiet day in news the New Zealand Herald leads with a story informing us where John Key is getting the suit he will be wearing to the Royal Wedding tailored.

Yes apparently there is a Royal Wedding soon, who knew?

Well blow me down with a merino thread if the Prime Minister of New Zealand goes to the same place for his big ticket suits as I do for my hats.

The Herald article reads like an advertorial, which if it was picked up by TV3’s Nightline I would suspect was a publicity stunt placed by PeadPR financed by RJB Design. But The Herald does not sell type face space does it? Or am I being overly negative? Does the public really want to know where the suit John Key is wearing to some Wedding in a couple of weeks was purchased?

Mr Key’s bespoke suit will have Greenstone “washed into the weave”. I put that in quotation marks as that is how it was presented in the Herald. Also it makes it look like a euphemism for something else.

Since I wrote about the great service I received from Ronald at RJB Design I have been back, toyed about getting a suit (ended up getting one from Murray Crane (also excellent service)) but have purchased a pair of brown socks. You would be fascinated to know how difficult it is to obtain brown socks in Auckland.

I might be back soon as I have had the unfortunate occurrence of having two pairs of cuff links break on me on consecutive days. What are the odds in that?

I hope the store is not mobbed by John Key groupies when I go.

Wash that into your weave.

DID I BELIEVE IT?

2011-04-11T22:22:00.004+12:00

Last week I was offered my first professional blogging gig. Remuneration was not in any form that would feed the mouths I have waiting at home for me each evening, but more in the comp variety. I was offered four free tickets to Silo Theatres’ latest production ‘Did I Believe It?’ in return to mentioning it on this here blog. Well, no I couldn’t Adam & Eve it. I didn’t have the heart to inform the bearer of this offer that although this blog does average over 84 hits a day*, most of them are less than a second (yes most of you have stopped reading this now), and quite a number of those ‘hits’ are from Europe, who I imagine wouldn’t be heading down to New Zealand on the backing of reading this entry. They might, stranger things have happened.

I’m no corporate whore, but four free tickets are four free tickets. I accepted the offer and in my mind already started making the potent references to what I already new about this production.

The play is co written by that tall guy who used to be on breakfast TV who is friends with that short guy from breakfast radio. I know as I have seen them at the Golden Dawn. I see said tall person at my local Nosh from time to time. He is very tall.

Loosely based on that somewhat underrated BBC mock science educational television show Look Around You (from the comic genius who brought you Lee Titt’s Markets of Britain), Did I Believe It? puts you in the studio audience while the presenters and researchers propagate the inane and the momentous facts about all there is to know about vodka. This is where the sponsoring vodka brand steps in, but as I mentioned I am no corporate whore, so will mention them no more.

Imagine my dismay when I found out that said comp tickets were only for the Sunday matinee show. I don’t do matinees for reasons I can’t go into here. But end result, no matinee, no attendance, no review of the play.

Since I am a little short of material this week, I have decided to refer to it anyway.

A friend of mine went however and she enjoyed it so much she was compelled to mention it not only on Twitter but also on her Facebook wall. I know, people still use Facebook. Her restricted Twitter admission was:

Did I Believe It? @vodka sponsor’s name. Seriously hilarious. Go and see it. She does not mince her words my friend. Her next tweet went on to mention that the quality of my tweets has plummeted. Hey get off my back, it was a Monday, I was having a bad day, and I had a stone in my shoe. OK!

Any way, I hear Did I Believe It? is very good. If you are in Auckland it is showing at 1885 (yes that is a little unique isn’t it a play in a bar) from NOW till 30^th April. It then moves to Wellington

The link to the Silo Threate is here

The link to purchase tickets is here

The link to Look Around You is here

And here is an interesting link all about Lap Giraffes

*based on the one day average of yesterday

Update: Apparently the naughty folk from Did I Believe It? Are refusing to admit that inspiration from this format came from the BBC TV show Look Around You, and are in fact citing the same influences as the TV had as documented in Wikipedia. The Gall!

Needless to say this has engulfed a flame war between the two sides (albeit one sided) which Wellingtonista has picked up on.

Time is like a broken watch. I make money like Fred Astaire.

2011-03-24T22:00:00.001+13:00

I have being meaning to get back on the blog for some time, and recent pressures from Mr Blomdini threatening to freeze my account, and the sudden arrival of Desmond Wolf from the deep dark forest has spurred me to make this entry.

Motivated by events that almost made me contribute to the blog over recent months, here is a brief run down in bullet point, almost in twitter format as it were.

In no particular order

I brought a new album. This fellow blogspotter review is much better than anything I could write.

As usual the bFM Summer Series at Albert Park this year was very good. Kody & Bic were a personal highlight.

I didn't go to MGMT and I should have.

In fact I have not been to an indoor gig this year. I was seriously thinking about seeing the Black Keys when they were in Wellington, but then they cancelled on me.

The Hopgarden has poor acoustics, but an incognito Morris Dance Troupe does make for interesting dinner table conversation

One person's view of interesting dinner table conversation is not necessary your wife's.

Listening to old people talk about eating baked beans on toast is almost as disgusting as having to watch them eat baked beans on toast.

Ever had a George Costanza moment?

I finally got myself an iPhone and am now addicted to twitter.

Busy P and the hot mask

2011-03-20T21:56:00.013+13:00

Pedro Winter aka Busy P is a French electronic DJ, producer, manager and owner of the Ed Banger Records label. From 1996 to 2008 he managed Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter better known as Daft Punk. The mystery of Guy-Manuel and Thomas' identity and the elaborate nature of their disguises has added to their popularity. The iconic status of the robotic costumes has been compared to the makeup of KISS and the school-boy kit worn by Angus Young. Their masks may, however, be slightly impractical. Bangalter stated, "The mask gets very hot, but after wearing it as long as I have, I am used to it."

A poet with a camera

2011-03-16T08:55:00.003+13:00

Seamus Murphy directed and produced the music videos for all 12 tracks of PJ Harvey's latest album, Let England Shake. Murphy, a British photographer known primarily for his work in war-torn countries like Afghanistan, filmed all of the clips in various areas of England using available light, combining still photos and documentary-like video footage. The shots are both quietly naturalistic and eerily incongruous—a skeleton on display in a museum, Harvey performing in a bare room, the ebb and flow of the ocean tide—and they serve to comment on Harvey's own quietly eerie ode to Sunny England.

The Rothko Chapel

2011-03-05T12:18:00.010+13:00

The Rothko Chapel is located in Houston, Texas and was funded by Texas oil millionaires. The building is small and windowless. It is a geometric, "postmodern" structure, located in a turn-of-the-century middle-class neighborhood.

For Mark Rothko, the Chapel was to be a destination, a place of pilgrimage far from the center of art (in this case, New York) where seekers of Rothko’s newly "religious" artwork could journey.

The Chapel is the culmination of six years of Rothko’s life and represents his gradually growing concern for the transcendent. For some, to witness these paintings is to submit one’s self to a spiritual experience, which, through its transcendence of subject matter, approximates that of consciousness itself. It forces one to approach the limits of experience and awakens one to the awareness of one’s own existence. For others, the Chapel houses 14 large paintings whose dark, nearly impenetrable surfaces represent hermeticism and contemplation.

The chapel works were Rothko’s final artistic statement to the world. He never saw the completed Chapel and didn’t install the paintings. In 2011 the Chapel will celebrate its fortieth anniversary, having achieved, in those years, recognition as one of the greatest artistic achievements of the second half of the twentieth century.

Painting of the Rothko Chapel (above) by Douglas Stichbury, 2010.

Ambroise Vollard

2011-02-20T20:52:00.008+13:00

Ambroise Vollard was a pioneer dealer who showcased the modernist avant-garde and modernized the business of selling art in the 1890s and early 1900s. He is credited with providing exposure and emotional support to numerous notable and unknown artists, including Paul Cezanne, Aristide Maillol, Renoir, Louis Valtat, Van Gogh and arguably the greatest artist of all time, Pablo Picasso.

The Hotshot

2011-01-24T16:37:00.002+13:00

Released in 85 the Hotshot was Tamiya's first four-wheel-drive off-road buggy. It featured four-wheel independent double-wishbone suspension, a unique mono-spring suspension that used only two springs for the entire four wheels. For its time, the car was light, rugged and upgradeable. In the years that followed, parts of the Hotshot were evolved and reused in several other 4WD buggy models, including the Hotshot II, which was identical aside from simpler direct rear suspension, the Boomerang and Tamiya's 10th Anniversary car, the mighty Bigwig.

In 2007, Hotshot was re-released. Electronic Speed Controller is included instead of mechanical speed controller; body has a metal patch to function as a heatsink to dissipate heat from ESC; dog-bone shafts are simplified, hexa bolt and hexa cup universal for connecting front and rear gear boxes are discarded and simpler dog-bone shaft is adapted. Because of ESC, original heatsinks for resistors for the mechanical speed controller are no longer necessary, but included as dummies as they are unique to Hotshot.

You will not be surprised to hear that the re-release is not considered to be anywhere near as valuable to collectors due to the nostalgia value of the older technology in the original kit, along with a number of negative changes such as the removal of real world racing brands from the decal sheet and a less impressive kit box.

The Bob Ross Experience

2011-01-01T21:38:00.014+13:00

"We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. We want happy, happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. Everything is possible here. This is your little universe."

With his calm, patient demeanor, Bob Ross (1942 – 1995) rose to prominence as the creator and host of The Joy of Painting, a television program that ran for twelve years in the United States. He parlayed this success into a commercial "Bob Ross" brand: an industry of how-to art books, instructional videos and art supplies.

Ross had a son, Steven, who occasionally appeared on The Joy of Painting and is a Bob Ross certified instructor. There are more than 1500 Bob Ross certified instructors holding workshops throughout the United States every day. You can become a Bob Ross certified instructor yourself. No previous painting or teaching experience is required but you and your students paintings may tend to look like Bob Ross's.

Ross also filmed wildlife footage, squirrels in particular, usually from his own garden. Small animals often appeared on The Joy of Painting as he would often take in injured or abandoned squirrels and other assorted wildlife.

The undisputed Mayor of Hawkes Bay

2010-12-27T20:26:00.005+13:00

It doesn't matter what's in the bottle when the case is already reserved.

Pictured: Advintage Wine Shop, Aeon Street, Havelock North.

The Big Easel

2010-12-27T07:25:00.004+13:00

Pictured: carpark sculptures at the Keirunga Gardens Arts & Crafts Society, Havelock North.

Holland Electro v Carlo Van de Roer

2010-12-09T11:46:00.012+13:00

Carlo Van de Roer recently became the first New Zealand born artist to win the prestigious Jury Distinction Award in the BMW Prize at Paris Photo 2010. His winning work, an aura portrait of Miranda July, was exhibited in Wellington in March 2010. He was represented in Paris by chic M+B gallery from Los Angeles. We succeeded in getting him a small amount of press coverage to acknowledge the award but the moment has largely gone unnoticed on these shores.

No Australasian gallery has ever participated at Paris Photo although a few New Zealand artists have had book signings there, such as Bruce Connew and Harvey Benge. Some work has been done to see New Zealand selected as the spotlight country, however, no success to date. Interestingly Africa is the featured 'country' for Paris Photo 2011.

Pictured: Our new Holland Electro 4500 sensor control vaccum next to Carlo Van de Roer's Blinded by the Light # 1 (Wunderkammer exhibition).

Legends of the VHS

2010-12-08T21:59:00.005+13:00

@ 4:59/9.50

“Do you like vegetables? I’ve always been fond of root crops but I only started to grow last summer. I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. … I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. Uumm. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts, prostitutes for the bees. There is something Je ne sais quoi, oh so very special, about a firm young carrot. Uumm, excuse me. Do help yourselves to another drink.”

INTRODUCING: GOLDEN DAWN

2010-12-02T14:00:00.004+13:00

This Friday witnesses a first. A bar is opening in Auckland that I am actually interested in. Named Golden Dawn, it is situated on the corner of Ponsonby and Richmond roads (the old Open Late Cafe premises, and more recently the space of Dan Gosling’s (Stolen Girlfriends Club) store Dead Modern.

Golden Dawn is the brain child of Sam Chapman (of Matterhorn fame) and Stephen Marr (bald celebrity hairdresser).

The opening of a bar in the Ponsonby ‘strip’ in recent times has been left to the utilitarian bland offerings of places like the Longroom, however Sam and Stephen envision a place where accountants and graphic designers can both meet to sup tasty craft beers or even tastier cocktails whilst chatting about the qualities of life and not worrying about checking in on foursquare.

While Stephen Wong (again ex Matterhorn) has put together a wine-list of only organic, biodynamic and 'natural' wines, ex-Vodka Professor Jacob Briars has been handed the reins of responsibility for the cocktails, spirits and coffee. Given his superior knowledge in these liquid matters (a little known fact is the only reason Jacob has not entered New Zealand mastermind is he could not decide between those three topics nor Young Labour 1989 – 1993, the turbulent Palmer / Moore cross over years as his specialist subject), I can ensure you the offerings over the bar will be of a delectably high standard.

The bar is named after the optimum time of the day to be drinking (when the sun is rising), however Jacob admits that drinking there at this hour will not be possible due to the liquor licensing restrictions of Len Brown’s new Super City. With a rye smile that only Jacob could invoke he then adds, and the name does attract to some elements of the Ponsonby set who think it has something to do with showers.

I’ve got the leave pass for tomorrow, so you’ll see me there necking Lageritas.

Golden Dawn.

134 Ponsonby Rd.

Opening Wednesday 8^th December 2010.

Completely lifted from Ben Shipley

Opening night update: due to some serious issues with the fire alarm, Golden Dawn might not get their licence on time, pushing the opening back to Sunday. A Sunday night opening you say? That should sort the true bar connoisseurs from your casual I’m out on the office Christmas party and I somehow ended up on the corner of Ponsonby and Richmond roads looking for Murder Burger punter. Sunday night? I hope someone has told Norrie.

Opening night update update: The opening which is not an opening (apparently openings are too Auckland (sorry Norrie (ha that rhymes))), will now be happening on Wednesday 8th December. Remember it is not an opening, it just happens to be open.

Opening night update update update: The best laid schemes of mice and men, Go often askew. The Golden Dawn will be opening its doors to the public this Friday 10th December. See you there!

INTRODUCTING: SAM HARRISON

2010-11-30T17:16:00.002+13:00

Just a couple more weeks too catch relative new comer Sam Harrison’s exhibition NEW SCULPURE at New Markets Jensen Gallery.

Markets of Britain, a short film by Lee Titt

2010-11-25T13:29:00.002+13:00

Thanks to Murray Crane not that I've read his blog.

A.S.K.

2010-11-14T09:08:00.004+13:00

Opening today in New Zealand's biggest suburb ......

Thorndon (Lack of) Preservation Society

2010-11-13T21:56:00.008+13:00

I went to 194A Sydney Street West, Thorndon, Wellington for the first time last week. One of the highlights was seeing the original letterbox painted with "Rita Angus House" by Tony Fomison. He was the first resident of the cottage following its sale by the Rita Angus estate to the Thorndon Trust in 1984. Sadly said letterbox sits decaying in damp and dusty conditions in the shed out the back, along with a rusty sink and other miscellaneous shed stuff. Officially listed as a quote unquote chattel of the property, Rita's letterbox is literally wasting away.

Pictured: Current artist in residence Wayne Youle outside 194A Sydney Street West - 10/11/10.

THE GREEN BOX OF SHATTERED DREAMS

2010-11-09T22:34:00.001+13:00

In the space between my bed and my bedroom door sits a green cardboard box about the size of a case of wine. I trip over it every morning getting out of bed and then again at night going back to bed. This box has sat there unmoved, unopened for over three years.

In this box sits a collection of the British popular music magazine New Musical Express (better known as the NME).

There was a time of my life when I went out a lot. And when I say a lot I mean almost every night. And when I say going out, I don’t just mean going down to the pub (although I did do that a lot too), I am referring to the thrill and excitement of seeing a live band play a set of songs you know every word to (or think you know every word to). Yes I am talking about going out to gigs. In this period of my life I used to average seeing well over 100 live bands a year. You don’t have to be the best in your class at math to work out that is over two gigs a week.

I was living in central Amsterdam just a measly seven minute walk (or seven minute cycle (I never have been the fastest biker)) away from their two famous rock concert venues, the Paradiso and the Melkweg. Nestled in between both venues was (which to this day still remains today my favourite watering hole), the unpretentious yet sophisticated Weber.

My regular gig going routine would involve meeting up with friends at Weber for a couple of drinks. Then we would head down to either the Paradiso or Melkweg en masse in plenty of time to secure a good position (front right hand side of the stage, and easy access to the bar). Although the Dutch are a pushy bunch during daylight hours (I looking at you oude vrouw side swiping my entry to the checkout at the Albert Heijn), their night time demeanour was somewhat more mellowed, which always allowed you to get up the front no matter how late you arrived.

I was privileged enough to see a lot of up & coming bands play in a room not much bigger than your living room who now fill stadiums around the world. Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Kasabian and the Killers to name a few.

After the gig the venue in house DJ would play songs of a similar genre to whom has just played keeping the punters around for another couple of hours. Then it was back to Weber for post gig drinks and a synopsis of the events that had just taken place.

Life was good.

It was during this time and the fruity words people used to describe the performance they had just witnessed on stage a mere metres away from them, that I thought to myself I should write gig reviews. What a cushy job that would be. You get to go out and see all the bands you want for free and then get paid to put your memories into print.

This was a time when whilst internet blogs did exist, we did not have the time in our day to read them. Unlike now where people are able to spend considerable time during working hours reading blogs as it is “work related”.

The blogs that were out there in regard to the live music scene in Amsterdam (and in English) were very negative. Disgruntled ex-pats who were running away from a mundane life back home taking out their frustrations on the Rakes as their sound guy was inexperienced and subsequently their live version of Strasbourg lacked the intensity and vitality of the bootleg copy of the in-store performance at Rough Trade Covent Garden that they owned.

Perhaps I could write for print I thought to myself. I could see myself being a music journalist, a muso journo as it were. The liquid lunches, then down to the venue to catch the sound check. Then out for a quick bite to eat and in time to catch the support. Hang out with the band afterwards. Wake up somewhere I shouldn’t, no memory about the night before besides a thumping baseline that had played at some stage during the set. Head into the office late next morning, bang out a review for that nights copy and off to that liquid lunch again. Full circle. Full stop.

After five years of residing in the lowlands, it was time to return home. Packing everything into so many cartons they took up more space that I had in my modest (read tiny) apartment, I jumped on the silver bird to my home town of Wellington. Living what my friends call a bohemian lifestyle (I was unemployed), I kidded myself I was a playwright, drank far too many coffees in the many fine cafes Wellington has to offer and wrote a play in which nothing much happened. Needless to say my play never made it to the hallowed boards of Bats theatre.

Finer weather saw me relocate to New Zealand’s sprawling metropolis they call Auckland where I immersed myself in the local music scene. Often down at the then Schooner Tavern or Kings Arms midweek I was privy to early incarnations of the Tutts and Motocade (yes it was 2006) play to young but enthusiastic crowds. Fervent promoters booked international acts like the Fiery Furnaces and Ratatat who drew the scensters out of their windowless bedsit apartments for the night. Life was good again. I was soon over the artist angst of my failed forte in the literary world and began again to have thoughts of turning my hand to music journalism.

Reality has a funny sense of turning around and biting you in the bum, and I woke up one day with a serious nine to five job, married, 2 kids and a hefty mortgage. I couldn’t even remember the last gig I went to, and not because the memory was erased from some alcohol fuelled binge drinking marathon afterwards, but because it had been that long ago. (It was the Powerstation / Vector double header of the Pixies, but that just took 20 minutes to work out).

In an effort to face my new reality and to stop tripping over the box each time I get up in the morning I am now selling this box of hopes and aspirations.

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Books/Magazines/Music/auction-330920201.htm

Interpol - Barricade

2010-09-09T16:18:00.001+12:00

This is a great new song and video by an excellent band.

Coming soon...

2010-08-31T14:38:00.000+12:00

I see from the spate of stencil tagging on the streets of Auckland the Banksy film recently screened at the NZ International Film Festival and blogged about here is out soon to general release

09/09/10 I am led to believe

P_Lab says if you missed this at the festival, go see it when it comes out

http://www.flicks.co.nz/movie/exit-through-the-gift-shop/

Il Barroco Loco

2010-08-10T15:37:00.004+12:00

Opening tomorrow night at the Engine Room in Mt Cook is Il Barroco Loco / the Local Baroque. Curated by Richard Reddaway the show explores the idea that there is contemporary baroque art being made here in Aotearoa New Zealand. It is, I suspect, a slightly contentious claim as we have no history of the baroque. Richard is, however, very interested in getting your feedback on the matter.

Micro Sites

2010-08-04T09:00:00.000+12:00

Micro Sites is a public art trail comprising of a series of 12 subtle projects by 13 artists that are a meant as an unexpected unearthing for people who inhabit Auckland’s Learning Quarter.
The Learning Quarter includes the area from Albert Park to both The University of Auckland and AUT University campuses.
The Micro Sites project was envisaged as an opportunity for artists to create small-scale interventions that interfere with common perceptions of a neighbourhood.
Micro Sites is a public art initiative of Auckland City Council developed in conjunction with The University of Auckland and AUT University.

More details can be found here.

INTRODUCING: TOBY MORRIS

2010-08-03T09:26:00.002+12:00

I recently came across a blog by a kiwi illustrator residing in Amsterdam, Toby Morris. You might recognise his work from various gig posters you may or may have not seen around Wellington.

Myself and another contributor to this blog used to also reside in Amsterdam. The other contributor used to say leave no turn unstoned. He said that a lot.

In 2009 Toby attempted to draw an illustration a day about life in Amsterdam. His 2009 archive of the blog reflect this. Quite a humours account, by all accounts.

http://xtotl.blogspot.com/2009/01/diary-blog.html

Do you mind?

2010-07-30T17:01:00.000+12:00

‘Do you mind?’ is an exhibition and publication of new artworks based on research projects at the Centre for Brain Research (CBR) at the University of Auckland. Original artworks have been created through the partnership of newly established artists with emerging brain researchers from the CBR.

The ‘Do you mind?’ exhibition will be open from 29th July – 7th August, Tuesday – Sunday, 10am – 4pm, and is held in a pop-up style gallery: Suite 106, at the award winning Ironbank complex on Auckland’s K Road.

On Saturday 31st July there will be free coffee from 11am – 3pm courtesy of Supreme Coffee.

For more information see http://doyoumind.tumblr.com/

THE GREY MAN

2010-07-30T09:29:00.001+12:00

Over six years ago a person said a newspaper had described a certain Valentines Day 6 Nations Rugby test between

Ireland

and

France

as a grey game, played on a grey day at a grey stadium in a grey part of Paris. That is a lot of the use of the word grey in the same sentence.

I just had a damn good rummage around the internet to look for this article as and the only reference to the word grey and this 14^th February 2004 game was the following:

“Before a crowd of almost 80,000 packed into the Stade De France on a cold grey afternoon…”, from the Irish Independent.

Did this sentence with the word grey repeated four times never actually exist? Why is this bothering me so much, well over six years later?

I am perplexed.

It is a grey day here today

The article I refer to above does make a humorous pun with impotency and Valentines Day however.

Irish Independent article

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2010-07-29T09:44:00.001+12:00

Looking for somewhere for a decent coffee the next time you are in Auckland? Possibly a bite to eat? Look no further than The Food Room in Ponsonby, The Chiller in Parnell or The Fridge in Kingsland.

All three offer excellent coffee, excellent food, and something somewhat missing in Auckland, excellent service.

I might have had the best pie ever from one of these places. I have had a lot of pies in my time.

All three places are actually the same place, just with different names and in different location. Clever eh.

The Food Room

The Chiller

Not my cup of tea.

2010-07-28T20:55:00.001+12:00

I see Mark Leonard Watts latest offering at the High Tide Gallery in Auckland’s High Street has crossed the not so fuzzy boundaries of hobby and art. Turning it up (or is that down) a notch from his previous foray of self portrait photographs of himself in different Asian (mainly female) clothing, he has now taken to superimposing his face over the top of (again) female Asian plastic figurines.

Not my cup of tea.

High Tide Gallery

AGAIN WORDS CAN NOT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM....

2010-07-27T10:27:00.003+12:00

....On learning that the Veils are in the studio recording a new album

Read all about it on fellow blog spot blog spot

http://veilsep.blogspot.com/

WORDS CAN NOT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM...

2010-07-26T08:54:00.005+12:00

...on learning that Karl Urban may be playing Judge Dredd in the forthcoming motion picture.

How cool would it be to say I went to school with Judge Dredd?

30 MONTH PERSPECTIVE

2010-07-23T13:14:00.010+12:00

The above image is a collection of the things my two and a half year old daughter is currently into at the moment. Quite colourful, I am sure you would agree.

What would a montage of a dozen or so images of the things you are currently into look like? Not as colourful I would imagine. Does life get less colourful as we get older?

Art-hoax

2010-07-22T15:48:00.015+12:00

So who out there has seen Exit through the Gift Shop? Currently screening nationwide as part of the New Zealand International Film Festival.

There is a lot of debate on the blogosphere on either this film is a hoax or not, i.e. if the film just an elaborate manoeuvre on Banksy's part, or did Guetta (the documentary maker turned subject of the movie) really evolve into Mr. Brainwash overnight?

I think the analysis into this is almost irrelevant; one should concentrate more on if the hoax is on the film going public or the art going public or both?

Did Mr Brainwashes inaugural exhibition really sell out it’s factory produced prints for millions of dollars (total sales / not individual)? Who brought these items? What were they thinking, that they were getting the next Banksy? Or that they were in fact getting the actual Banksy?

I found the film highly entertaining, I am purposely not mentioning anymore of the details behind it in this blog, as I think it would detract from your viewing pleasure.

P_Lab says go see the movie. Laugh out loud (when did you last do that) and then google MBW and make your own assumptions. I’ve made mine.

http://www.banksyfilm.com/

http://www.nzff.co.nz/

http://www.mrbrainwash.com/

Grey Day

2010-06-15T09:35:00.004+12:00

It’s a bit overcast in Auckland today. How is it in your neck of the woods?

The Poorer Cousin

2010-06-12T12:05:00.001+12:00

On 18 May the sale of two of Fiona Pardington's works at Art + Object in Auckland attracted the highest price paid at auction for a photograph in New Zealand. The previous record of $30,000 was shattered when Fiona's Quai Branly suite of nine Heitiki realised $64,275, and her single image Ake Ake Huia sold for $30,385.

Photography has shed its reputation in New Zealand as the poorer cousin of painting and sculpture.

New Lid

2010-06-10T23:03:00.003+12:00

And I thought the art of service was lost in Auckland. Well you have your Crane Brothers, but I have never had a particularly good time there. Treat me like I look, poor. Does anyone still read Murray’s blog any more? I thought not.

No I thought the art of service was lost in Auckland. Until recently that is when I decided it was time for a new lid.

I was not returning to Leo O’Malley’s on the Karangahape ridge. For the last lid purchase I basically had to order the lid from Hills, get them to deliver to Leo’s, call to check it had arrived, go and collect it. Sorry besides your margin what was your part in the transaction again Leo? Smith & Caughey and the word service used in the same sentence, not in my tenure in Auckland.

Seems I had ticked off all the old school stores or stores with old school beliefs.

Until a walk down the high street had me stumble across RJB Design. An unassuming store, I entered assuming nothing. I was met by a portly gentleman who greeted me with sincerity and informed me that he would be right with me as soon as he was finished with the other lone customer in the store. This other lone customer (also of portly stature and not so lone as he was with his wife (well I assumed it was his wife (she seemed to know rather intimate details of his measurements))) was after the Richie Benaud look. I think that statement there sets the scene of the type of store I had found myself in. This man with the Benaud yearning and his suspected wife looked like they had just walked off the cruise liner that was currently docked at the Auckland foreshore. Further eavesdropping into their conversation in formed me it was at the case. The dribble that was coming out of this mans mouth was enough to stain an expensive looking beige suit. But the store clerk showed the utmost patience and continued to provide this man with a level of service I thought was restricted to south of the Bombay’s.

As Benaud took to the dressing cubical it was my turn to experience this first class service first hand. I was given full range of the available lids, offered advice to where on my head the lid should actually sit, complemented and finally given a nice friendly pat on the tush. He didn’t really I was just checking that you were still reading my blog.

End result was I left the shop happy and with a new lid.

So the art of service was alive and thriving in A Town. Well that was what I thought. Until I decided I needed a box to keep my lid in….

Adam & Annie's Art Finance Company Adventures

2009-12-29T22:28:00.006+13:00

In 2003 ex Black Cap Adam Parore established an art finance company, which came “from the fact that when-ever Sally [Ridge] and I bought a painting we didn’t want to pay for it … Mr Parore saw art dealers struggling to make money and thought that if he put the money in, art dealers would get paid immediately.” Hooray!

Circa 2004 Mr Parore was seen skulking out the back door of a very flat Webb’s sale. He was later dished in the media for ‘dismantling’ a Bill Hammond painted umbrella so that it could be hung on the wall and appreciated in two dimensions. Enter the recession and seemingly the end of Adam’s Art Adventure. Sadly no one else in New Zealand has managed to pull off anything similar.

One of the intriguing things about the New Zealand art market is that it’s still relatively young. The better artists of this era will inevitably feature in future art history texts and related media and their artwork must appreciate over time as a result. Any dealer worth a fraction of his or her weight in art can place their better artists’ work with public institutions, secure features for those artists in magazines and so on. This is then a passport for future sales. So someone in New Zealand (with sufficient vulture-like tendencies) should be out there offering to finance clients into decent artwork, and lending against good artwork. Surely there is money to be made!

New York based Art Capital Group offers a product that works in a similar way to transactions (and I use that word loosely) undertaken by the likes of Cash Convertors and the Pawn Shop in New Zealand. Some would say tragically, many high profile artists and collectors have had to pawn their artworks during the last three years as a result of finding themselves financially stretched.

A classic case is the celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz who narrowly avoided bankruptcy recently after she bought back control of her photographs and homes following a renegotiation of a US$24 million loan from Art Capital Group. As well as generating what one would imagine to be a hell of a good profit, Art Capital's chief executive, also acknowledged that his company was pleased to "assist Ms Leibovitz to achieve financial stability and proud to have been of such value to her at this juncture in her life and career".

Bring back Adam.

Pictured: Obama Family Portrait by Annie Leibovitz (October 2009).

JOCKSTRAP BOMBER HARBINGER of FAILED-ARTIST-MASSACRES-TO-COME?

2009-12-29T19:38:00.010+13:00

For God’s Sake - and For the Sake of Western Civilization - Buy, Buy, Buy, For All You’re Worth, When the New Art Season Opens.

Why? Hey, I’ll tell you why. Because Failed Artists are an Historically Established Menace of Major Proportions.

Seems this week’s big, too-good-to-be-true, international story - The Jock-Strap Bomber – involved, as usual, the visual arts. When are we going learn people? Support the arts, or suffer the historically established consequences.

Case in point:

al Qaeda Yemen’s claim for the Christmas ‘undie’ attack on Northwest flight 253, was followed by well documented reports that the (now scorch-balled) bomber’s handlers included two ex Guantanamo Bay prisoners - freed in 2007 and sent back to Saudi Arabia. Muhamad Attik al-Harbi (known now by his nom de guerre Muhamad al-Awfi) and Said Ali Shari appear later (2009) in Yemen-based Qaeda propaganda videos.

Now here’s the meat…..after their release, the two former Gitmo prisoners entered an Art Therapy Program underwritten by the Saudi Arabian government. A program wherein jihadists are supposedly weaned away from violence by red yellow and blue.

The two men, having decided to become fulltime artists and unable thereafter to secure dealer representation, exhibitions in alternative mosques, or sales of any significance - reportedly grew despondent at the failure of their newly chosen lifestyle/careers and are believed to have backslid into renewed jihadism. The two failed artists then migrated to Yemen where they joined a growing network of al Qaeda affiliated terrorist organizations. One insensitive U.S. diplomat said Saudi Arabia's "so-called art-rehabilitation programs are a joke." Considering that sort of critical reception is it any wonder our two nascent artists became disillusioned and returned to their old jobs of fashioning IED’s (improvised explosive devices) instead of artworks?

Here’s the proof-of-life YouTube Video for the Doubters Among You

The two failed al Qaeda lads are just small potatoes, in the bigger scheme of things, when it comes to failed artists wreaking havoc when careers go Phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht*

Take for example famously failed artist Mr. Adolf Hitler. According to a former friend of mine - failed Austrian conceptualist Ludwig Redl - as soon as Adolf (who’d often idle by the Danube indulging reveries of becoming a famous artist) seized real power he had the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts Professors – academics who’d rejected his application portfolio – summarily shot. Fuggedaboutit!

Here’s a YouTube portfolio of der Fuehrer’s artwork. Now, just think what might NOT have happened if dewy young Adolf had had a sold-out show of his landscapes.

O.K., O.K., I can’t blame you for being skeptical ‘bout my thesis, but wait, there’s more. Now, as everyone knows, our boy Hitler is firmly ensconced in history’s Big Three of mass murderers. But he’s only #3. Stalin – bringing it home (30 million victims) at #2 was also an artist. Of sorts.

See image heading this post for an example of Stalin-Readymade

He liked to get his dictatorial mitts on (ready-made) nude prints & drawings, and, get this, add his own sardonic textual marginalia. Talk about ahead of its time! Image and Text works from the 1940’s. And ironic to boot.

Here’s a sample of some of textual addendums that Stalin used to fortify his nudes.

“Ginger bastard Radek, if he hadn’t pissed against the wind, if he hadn’t been angry, he would be alive,” Papa scrawled across the leg of a rotund male nude.

"Don't sit with a bare arse on stones," Stalin pens on a drawing of a man on a pedestal. "Give the boy some pants."

"Stalin and naked guys: what’s Going on Here?" headlined a story in a recent issue of the daily Komsomolskaya Pravda.

Consider if, famously vain, Uncle Joe, had gotten the sort of critical success afforded prominent image-ironists such as Sherrie if-I-had-a-nickle-for-every-word Levine. Would the "Father of Nations," have spent more time reading his reviews than force-collectivizing Georgian and Ukranian farms.

A show of Stalin’s handiwork was recently mounted at the leading Marat Guelman gallery in central Moscow.

The moral sub-text of these stories?

Fuggedaboutit!

The Art Season's Sargasso Sea

2009-12-19T13:36:00.009+13:00

WE are heading into the artworld equivalent of mariner doldrums. becalmed in a sargasso sea of cultural disinterest. An orgy of commerce has already commenced in this 'holy' season but the commerce ain't, as a rule, intangible objects.More's the pity.

In order to ready all you art dealers out there, for the new upcoming art season, I present here, for your edification, Alec Baldwin's infamous motivational speaking scene from David Mamet's Glenn Garry Glenn Ross.

What follows is a tough-love tutorial from a well-appointed super-salesman to a group of down-at-the heels and demoralized second-raters of the selling game.

As Alec would say - LISTEN and Learn!

Merry-Effing-Xmas, Y'all.

By the way if you aren't familiar with Ivan Karp (director of Leo Castelli 10 years and the the Pope of Soho for decades afterwards - where he was proprietor of his own art-schlock supermarket(OK Harris) Ivan was an old-school salesman & he had the meritocratic habit of looking at the work of all comers. There'd be a line of young out-of-town hopefuls trailing out the door onto the street ( like some kind of penitent snake ) looking to have Ivan pass or advise on their work. Woe to the artists he took into the gallery ( he had too many ) as his 'taint', thereafter, was always upon them. Ivan had a flamboyant habit of carrying a pistol (complete with a concealed weapon permit) in the waistband of his sans-a-belt slacks...which when in a particularly ebullient or choleric mood he'd pull out and show-off to the assembled. Ivan swept his gallery's own diamond-metal stoop every morning that he was open for trade. Whatever can be badly said (and plenty was) about the man...there was no doubt about his ability to leave a lasting impression and close a sale.

Artists' Brains - An Off-Colour Joke

2009-12-14T18:12:00.003+13:00

So, Victor Frankenstein sends his assistant down to Ingolstadt to buy fresh brains for his final procedure.

The assistant, walking into the town’s best abbatoir, inquires about the trays of un-priced brains. The butcher informs him, as they stroll past the displayed merchandise, that the first tray - teachers’ brains are $299.99 a kilo, the second tray at $599.99 are bankers’ brains, lawyers’ brains at 799.99, scientists' brains at $999.99, politicians' brains at $1599.99, and so on.

The two arrive at the final tray of brains where Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant, for thoroughness sake , asks… how much?

$5,999.99 a kilo, replies the butcher.

Catching his breath, at the dramatic increase in price, the doctor’s assistant whispers “why so much”

The butcher, drawing himself up, declares – Why, those are artists’ brains, do you have any idea how many of those it takes to make up a kilo?”

Badda-bing.

DAN THE MAN

2009-12-06T13:39:00.003+13:00

If someone mentions the name Dan to me, four prominent Dan’s immediately spring to mind. Daniel LaRusso; Dan Carter; Back of the Pan Dan; and Dan Brown.
Daniel LaRusso for perfecting the Crane Kick and proving even weedy guys can pull Elisabeth Shue. Dan Carter for securing numerous All Black victories on the brink of defeat and the ridiculous effect he has on the girls in my office when they see a picture of him in his undies. Back of the Pan Dan was the nickname given to my girlfriend of the times flat mate who used to leave a rather unpleasant calling card at the back of the toilet bowl after each visit. Finally Dan Brown, an author, I am lead to believe.

I have never read a Dan Brown novel, nor watched a motion picture staring Tom Hanks based on a Dan Brown novel. Neither do I have any desire to read a Dan Brown novel, nor watch a motion picture staring Tom Hanks based on a Dan Brown novel. I do not know what Dan Brown looks like. I had to google image him and to be honest I would rank him 4th in my list of Dans. Not that I rank guys in order when ever I get the chance. He has an annoying hair cut. It is a similar hair cut to a guy I worked with once, Mark. His nickname was Skid. You would think I associate with a lot of people with secretion related nicknames. These are the only two I can recall from memory. Oh and Snotty.

Anyway I digress. The reason I have not read a Dan Brown novel is a conscious decision. I categorize this type of literature as pop cult. Like Harry Potter and what ever the current teen vampire craze that is hitting the nation of late. Cannot remember it’s name, but Samantha Hayes gets very excited when ever she had to read an article on it on Nightline. Apparently the screen adaptation of the second novel topped the NZ box office record!

Every couple of years a book or series of books come out that the public swoop up. It is the must read. 50% of the population rush out and buy it, making the author instantly a zillionaire. Two years later Hollywood turns it into a Blockbuster, and then 50% of the remaining 50% who don’t own the book rush out and buy it. They become the hot topic of conversation around the water cooler and diner parties. Ironically my place of employment does not have a water cooler, more a tap, over a sink. It is located in the corner of an L shaped bench making any form of gathering around it near impossible. I also cannot remember the last dinner party I was invited to. I have a two year old daughter, so I would hazard a guess at two years ago. But this is not the point.

I quite like not knowing who Flavius Belby is and if he/she/it dies in the next novel. I also don’t wish to discuss who is better looking Edward or Jasper.

An incredibly tall Dutch man tried to describe the plot summary of The Da Vinci Code over dinner once. He was half way through his own personal copy of the novel. We were sitting at an out door table at a restaurant at the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen. It was a beautiful summers evening. The Gardens were full with people of all ages coming and going. You could hear music. To me, having someone describe the novel he had waiting for him on his bedside table at his hotel room showed he was more enthralled in this Dan Brown created world than everything that was going on around him in the real world. We were at the peak of Dan Brown mania. The other people at our table started talking about it too. I went to the toilet. They were still talking about it when I got back. It was from this point that I decided never to get caught up in Pop Cult again. I was still hurting with a brief dabble into Pop Cult I had invested two years prior with Alex Garlands ‘The Beach’.

I make my commitment to not succumbing to Pop Cult quite public. My mother shakes her head at me. She has a photo of the platform at Kings Cross you catch the train to Hogwarts to. Excuse me isn’t it fiction?

You will believe my dismay when the year before last I unwrapped on Christmas day not one Dan Brown book, but four, in a set!

I looked the bearer of the gift in the eye and said, “Thank-you, I have not read any of these”. I could hear the sigh of relief from my wife across the room thinking I was going to say what I was actually thinking.

Being the man of action that I am, two years later here I am putting them on TradeMe. They are still in the exactly same condition I received them in. I can assure you they have not been read.

Not being perverse to a shameless piece of shelf promotion, I will even provide you the link to my auction here.

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Books/Fiction-literature/Mystery-thriller/Author-AC/auction-257882349.htm

The Comic Relief (UK) Wellington branch xmas party

2009-11-29T21:10:00.001+13:00

Dear friends,

As you know the Christmas period is fast approaching. I bet you’ve all got your office parties and cools things planned huh? Yeah, me too. But spare a thought for me. I work alone. In fact, here’s a little song I sing to myself as I work:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdug6yHJB40

I was going to go ahead and have my own party, just me, but the guy I drew out of the hat for secret Santa is a real douche so I’ve decided to extend the invite to others.

The plan at this stage involves meeting at Lanes for bowling to commence at 18.00, followed by Ribs at the Lone Star at 19.30. There may or may not be a secret Santa setup/speeches/prize giving/employee of the year ceremony. The social committee is currently divided on the issue.

What do you think? It’s for charity. Kind of. I work for the charity, I didn’t mean that you guys coming along to be my friend would be charitable on your behalf. But it would be. Although another great thing about the recession is the cost of hiring friends for the night has really dropped.

Please let me know if you’re in,
The Rock

Matawhero - Sacrificial Yvonne - PBRCCCPB

2009-11-29T20:13:00.011+13:00

Peter Adsett presented a great floor talk at Pataka today at the opening of his show Matawhero: Bullet Holes and Bandages. Adestt paints abstract anti-modernist, on the floor. The exhibition is facilitated by Mattie Nache and Gene Paul of PAUL NACHE in sunny Gisborne.

Lorene Taurerewa's excellent exhibition Sleight of Hand also opened today. The highlights are two large charcoals, each approx 2.8 metres high. The largest work is over 4 .5 meters high. Lorene returned to New York on Tuesday. It was good to see a few familiar Porirua faces and other friends at the opening.

Hamish Coney re Thursday's Important Paintings and Contemporary Art auction: "Quite a good sale but a bit of a Himilaya which is a reflection of the current market." We say good bye Yvonne and welcome back Lisa.

Tips for your next trip to Gisborne:

1. Fish and chips anywhere anytime.

2. PAUL NACHE for a selection of fantastic mens footwear and style.

3. Soho Bar for a good cocktail.

4. A Poverty Bay Radio Control Car Club of Poverty Bay (PBRCCCPB) race meet.

Garden City P-Lab Connoisseur’s Lexicon Pop-Quiz

2009-11-21T21:31:00.004+13:00

Nazi Dope

a) Low I.Q. National Socialist
b) Arriviste Mall Cop
c) Meth so wickedly pure that when you are high on it you hallucinate military or law enforcement coming to kill or incarcerate you.

Shake & Bake

a) Preparing fried chicken by shaking poultry portions in a paper
bag filled with flour and spices.
b) Fire service euphemism for the deployment of a personal fire
shelter when out run by a bush fire.
c)Did you get wind of those dumb-ass Ashburton pill-billys?
They was making up a batch of shake & bake in the cab of a milk tanker when the bottle
blew up.

Smebbin’

a) Driving through a mob of push-bikes while drunk.
b) Wiping one’s nose with the sleeve of a Swanndri shirt.
c) Tweaking on methamphetamine.

Wheke

2009-11-06T15:06:00.018+13:00

Wheke - Ngai Tahu Kohatu-Mauri or life force stone - stands at the entrance to Neil Pardington's exhibition 'The Vault' at Christchurch Art Gallery, which opened last night with several Te Arawa guests present. The show features 35 large scale photographs of collection storage spaces in museums and galleries throughout New Zealand. Wheke will travel with the exhibition to several other cities including Whanganui, Rotorua and Dunedin.

Five highlights of this trip to the Garden City (in no particular order):

A glass of wine with Mr Smart.
Succulent pork belly at the Crumpet Club.
Sitting in the sun on Latimer Square enjoying a flat white at The Bicycle Thief.
Learning more about how to build a P Lab.
Leaving to fly home.

Illustrated: Neil Pardington The Wet Room # 1.

Your contraption

2009-11-03T21:28:00.003+13:00

Resembles NASA's Martian Rover - but instead of surveilling the Red Planet your tiny Art-Rover could be implanted with a listening device and loosed at important art openings for the gathering of art-land goss.

First Test

2009-11-02T15:53:00.009+13:00

The teachers were impressed when I made a car during Hugo's first kindy class on 12 October. It took me 54 minutes to complete.

This is the first of hopefully many posts by high flying individuals including me, Could-do, P_Lab (aka A Visitor from Auckland) and The Rock. We will impart information, facts and figures relevant to New Zealand arts events and other miscellaneous, but interesting, bits and pieces.