mind. Daniel LaRusso; Dan Carter; Back of the Pan Dan; and Dan Brown.Daniel LaRusso for perfecting the Crane Kick and proving even weedy guys can pull Elisabeth Shue. Dan Carter for securing numerous All Black victories on the brink of defeat and the ridiculous effect he has on the girls in my office when they see a picture of him in his undies. Back of the Pan Dan was the nickname given to my girlfriend of the times flat mate who used to leave a rather unpleasant calling card at the back of the toilet bowl after each visit. Finally Dan Brown, an author, I am lead to believe.
I have never read a Dan Brown novel, nor watched a motion picture staring Tom Hanks based on a Dan Brown novel. Neither do I have any desire to read a Dan Brown novel, nor watch a motion picture staring Tom Hanks based on a Dan Brown novel. I do not know what Dan Brown looks like. I had to google image him and to be honest I would rank him 4th in my list of Dans. Not that I rank guys in order when ever I get the chance. He has an annoying hair cut. It is a similar hair cut to a guy I worked with once, Mark. His nickname was Skid. You would think I associate with a lot of people with secretion related nicknames. These are the only two I can recall from memory. Oh and Snotty.
Anyway I digress. The reason I have not read a Dan Brown novel is a conscious decision. I categorize this type of literature as pop cult. Like Harry Potter and what ever the current teen vampire craze that is hitting the nation of late. Cannot remember it’s name, but Samantha Hayes gets very excited when ever she had
to read an article on it on Nightline. Apparently the screen adaptation of the second novel topped the NZ box office record!Every couple of years a book or series of books come out that the public swoop up. It is the must read. 50% of the population rush out and buy it, making the author instantly a zillionaire. Two years later Hollywood turns it
into a Blockbuster, and then 50% of the remaining 50% who don’t own the book rush out and buy it. They become the hot topic of conversation around the water cooler and diner parties. Ironically my place of employment does not have a water cooler, more a tap, over a sink. It is located in the corner of an L shaped bench making any form of gathering around it near impossible. I also cannot remember the last dinner party I was invited to. I have a two year old daughter, so I would hazard a guess at two years ago. But this is not the point.I quite like not knowing who Flavius Belby is and if he/she/it dies in the next novel. I also don’t wish to discuss who is better looking Edward or Jasper.
An incredibly tall Dutch man tried to describe the plot summary of The Da Vinci Code over dinner once. He was half way through his own personal copy of the novel. We were sitting at an out door table at a restaurant at the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen. It was a beautiful summers evening. The Gardens were full with people of all ages coming and going. You could hear music. To me, having someone describe the novel he had waiting for him on his bedside table at his hotel room showed he was more enthralled in this Dan Brown created world than everything that was going on around him in the real world. We were at the peak of Dan Brown mania. The other people at our table started talking about it too. I went to the toilet. They were still talking about it when I got back. It was from this point that I decided never to get caught up in Pop Cult again. I was still hurting with a brief dabble into Pop Cult I had invested two years prior with Alex Garlands ‘The Beach’.
I make my commitment to not succumbing to Pop Cult quite public. My mother shakes her head at me. She has a photo of the platform at Kings Cross you catch the train to Hogwarts to. Excuse me isn’t it fiction?
You will believe my dismay when the year before last I unwrapped on Christmas day not one Dan Brown book, but four, in a set!
I looked the bearer of the gift in the eye and said, “Thank-you, I have not read any of these”. I could hear the sigh of relief from my wife across the room thinking I was going to say what I was actually thinking.
Being the man of action that I am, two years later here I am putting them on TradeMe. They are still in the exactly same condition I received them in. I can assure you they have not been read.
Not being perverse to a shameless piece of shelf promotion, I will even provide you the link to my auction here.
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Books/Fiction-literature/Mystery-thriller/Author-AC/auction-257882349.htm
